What is Love?
by YueShirosaki
Summary: How will someone, who doesn't know the meaning of love, react when this feeling crushes down on him for the first time? Hichi x Ichi, Yaoi, Don't like? Don't read!; Rated MA / R-18; not for underage readers
1. Chapter 1

"Ano, Shirosaki-kun?"  
>Called boy lifted his white haired head, to stare back at the owner of the high, female voice.<br>"Whadda ya want, girl?"  
>He asked the blushing and fidgeting, brunette in front of him.<br>"Um, well...I wanted to..."

How he hated it when they stood like that in front of him, idly staring onto their feet, hands behind their backs or rubbing them nervously before their chest and swaying like they had 3 bottles of rum in their system, to get boozed enough to find the guts to talk to him.

"Just spit it out already."  
>He snarled impatiently at her.<br>"Shirosaki-kun, I...I really like you. W-would you please go out with me?"  
>He sighed, leaning back.<br>"Ya sayin' ya love me? Sorry, I ain't got nothin' o' that."  
>Leaning in to her and showing pearly white teeth in a big smirk he said.<br>"But if ya wanna good fuck, I won' say no."  
>For that he got slapped, it was the fifth this month.<br>"Tch."  
>He didn't even look after the girl storming off to somewhere.<br>It was always the same.  
>The girls in school fell for him, creating pretty dreams in their little heads and getting their panties wet just when he crossed their paths.<br>Well, he couldn't deny that he had a handsome look, but it still annoyed him when they bothered him with their love declarations.

His name is Shirosaki Hichigo.  
>He was a near albino. Pale skin, white hair and, through some odd means, he had golden eyes with a black sclera. Well, fuck it.<br>5'11 tall, slender and muscular, just enough to make them viewable.

If he wanted he could have all the girls who were after him, but he didn't, because there was something he hated more than anything.  
>Those three words, everyone said so easily, so randomly.<p>

_I love you._

Love?

Hah!

What is that anyway?

He didn't know.

Didn't learn the meaning of it or even how it felt like.

His family never showed him any of it.

Chapter 1  
>End<p>

* * *

><p>I hope you liked the short intro to this new peace of work.<p>

A random question:  
>Anyone noticed that I always write Hichi x Ichi when the story isn't a requested Fic?<p>

Hahaha ^_^'

Well,  
>See ya<br>Shiro Yue


	2. Chapter 2

His mother was some high business chick, never really caring for him.  
>As soon as he was born and out of the hospital, he was pushed into his grandma's arms.<br>She and his grandpa raised him, clothed and fed him.  
>The only thing his mother did, was delivering the money for it and sometimes show up for some hours, between one meeting and the next.<p>

Shiro never got to know his father, his mother parted from him before he was born.  
>He remembered a blurry face from his early child days, but it turned out to be a vanishing image of a man, his mother chose to be his fake father, just like all the others that came after this person.<br>So, the only things Shiro knew about his father, he learned through insults, that his mother threw at him all of the time.  
>Though it didn't really matter anymore, he wouldn't have the chance to get to know his creator anyway, for he deceased years ago.<p>

Shiro was 11 when a letter of a civil lawyer told them of his fathers death, and that he was one of three heirs and the properties would be split between all of them.  
>His father had only been 40 years old, the same age as his newest stepfather.<br>He liked the new one best, of all the ones he had so far and his mother would stay with him the longest of all times she had a lover.  
>So Shiro got his part of the heritage and saved it for later use.<p>

Several years went by, he was 17 now and slowly everything went down the gutter.  
>He was a teenager, so he made faults.<br>He wasn't one of the rebels, who cursed at their family and maybe got criminal, but he rebelled in his own way.  
>His school grades dropped and than he broke off school at the second last year.<br>Shiros mother than took him in to her place, tried to control him, but he didn't do as she wanted him to.  
>The albino couldn't stand the loneliness of the huge old house, his nerves got eaten away by the creaking noises at night and his hair stood straight on his neck, every time the house telephone rang, already knowing who was calling.<p>

He lived far away from his friends and the part of his family he liked.  
>Yeah, he didn't like his mother, saying he hated her would be to much at the moment, that would come later.<br>Talking about her, she had married his stepfather some month ago and since than it felt awkward around the two.

Coming back to Shiro, he wondered about, how it was possible for cutters to feel relieved when they marred their body with razor cuts.  
>He tried it out of curiosity, pushing himself into a deep pit.<br>Cuts covered his arms, so many that soon his excuses of 'the shy neighbors cat' and such didn't work anymore.  
>He had enough of the house and his controlling mother after living there for 8 month and ran away.<p>

Somewhere in a big city he lived of the money he inherited, until it was gone.  
>Afterward he lived like a hobo on the street, with nothing more than the clothes in his bag and on his body.<br>The police found him, told him he was notified as a missed person.  
>His mother had given up the notify and when he was back home, she hesitantly welcomed him back.<p>

She made him a hot bath and let him be, but not long.  
>When he came out of the bathroom, washed and dressed in fresh clothes, she stood in the hallway, fidgeting around.<br>"Where have you been?"  
>"Around Tokyo."<br>"You, used your money. Is anything left?"  
>"No, not really."<br>He told, looking aside, a guilty feeling creeping into his stomach.  
>He really had wanted to save it, for a time when it would <em>really<em> have been useful.  
>It had been a short circuit decision.<p>

"Did..."  
>He looked at his mother.<br>She was avoiding his gaze, that wasn't like her at all.  
>Mostly he would look away when he couldn't stand her green-brown eyes that bored into his skull.<br>"Did you sleep with anyone? I mean, do we need to run any test at a doctor?"  
>Shiro waged his answer well.<br>"No."  
>He lied at her, adding another lie to the many hundred he already told her in his young life.<br>She didn't need to know, it was bad enough that he felt like dirt for going with this slimy man, that could have been his father.  
>He hadn't taken money, he wasn't a whore, it was just another hasty decision.<br>"The police, found things, when they searched through your room."  
>Shiros eyes widened, they had looked into his things?<br>How dare they?  
>"They found a diary and <em>toys<em>. Do you like those things?"

Enough was enough.

"Why do ya ask anyway. It isn't like ya cared before, so ya don't need ta start now. Jus' leave me alone."  
>From that day his mother got worse with her phone calls, even if her controlling still didn't work.<br>In the end his mother threw Shiro out of the house.  
>Funny, it was exact 2 month after the police brought him back home to his oh so worried mother.<br>So now he went back to the only place he could imagine to go to.

His grandparents.

They took him in, still feeling hurt of his sudden leave and than coming back with his tail between his legs after just one year.  
>But they knew it wasn't only his fault.<br>Shiros grandpa cursed his daughter on the phone, broke the contact with her afterward.  
>Shiro promised to go back to school and finish his graduation.<br>He wanted a restart.  
>Without having the entire rotten part of his family hanging on his back, he felt like it would be much easier.<br>He still had his grandparents and his uncle, who now got his second boy with his wife.

Shiro cared very much for the two little boys, but feared they might turn out into beings similar to himself.  
>He prayed from the bottom of his heart, that this one branch of his family tree wouldn't get infected by the virus of misfortune and rot away like all the others had.<br>His mother tried to get in contact with him some times and he allowed at least phone calls once at a time.  
>When she told him of a new lover, despite she still was married with his current stepfather and tried to get him to meet with the new one, he broke the contact entirely, changed his phone number and ignored any letter of her until she stopped writing.<p>

His uncle got to know that she moved even farther away some day and Shiro was fine with it.  
>He didn't need his mother, hell he would be so happy if she even would stop to haunt him in his dreams.<br>Next month he would graduate and than he could start his own life.  
>He couldn't wait for it to begin, though he still didn't have a clue what he wanted to do for a living.<br>But he was sure he would find something he could do until he knew.  
>What he wouldn't have guessed was what he would find in his postbox at graduation day.<p>

Chapter 2  
>End<p>

* * *

><p>Wow, next chappy and a lot of background info.<p>

I hope it isn't to confusing for you, but guess what.  
>Shiro 's actually living my life, in some way, in this chapter.<br>I changed just a few things and left out aaaaa lot.

This feels kind of a self therapy...  
>Ah, fuck it xD<p>

See ya  
>Shiro Yue<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

A month later

Shiro got the mail after he came back from school, his high-school diploma in his hands.  
>Among the letters for his grandparents he found a notarial letter.<br>Just staring at the stamp made his guts freeze and his heart skip some beats.  
>Air refused to get into his lungs.<br>Than everything was gone as sudden as it appeared.  
>He opened the case, read over it, noting that his mother died in a plane crash on the way to America.<br>He would get the money of her life insurance policy, a sum about one million USD.  
>"Tch. At last, she's good for something in the end."<br>Shiro mumbled to himself.

He would make good use of the money, which meant:  
>Pay back the money his grandparents spend for him and sink the debts they had.<br>Give a part of the money to his uncle, so he could save it for his boys.  
>The rest he had than, he would use to get himself an own apartment.<p>

If he was honest to himself, he just had waited for a mail lie that to arrive.  
>He guessed it would happen sooner or later, since she traveled so much.<br>Now that it actually happened, his chest felt tight and ached.  
>Shiro hated his mother, for she was never really there for him and only having insults for him when he met with her.<br>Lines like, "You are just like your father" and "You are only a copy of that bastard.", were nothing new for him.

So why should he feel sadness about her death?  
>Hurriedly he pushed the uncomfortable feeling away.<br>He wasn't sad about anything.  
>Since he didn't know how love felt, why should he know what sadness felt like?<p>

Several weeks after he got the letter and the money of the life insurance policy paid out, Shiro finally finished his move to his own apartment.  
>The last piece of furniture was set onto its place.<br>"Welcome home."  
>The albino sighed to himself, wiping away the sweat on his forehead.<br>It was late already, tomorrow he would use the day to get a job anywhere.

* * *

><p>I know, that's a real short chappy.<br>But I thought it was better to make a break there.  
>You'll see why in the next chappy.<p>

Also from here on, this story isn't related to my own life anymore.  
>There will be one similarity in the next but one chapter.<br>But I won't tell you what it is now. XD

See ya  
>Shiro Yue<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

The next day

Shiro left a bar, happy to finally have found himself a job, after asking everywhere he could imagine to work at and that for over six hours.  
>So now he would be the bartender for the rather new club 'Los Lobos'.<br>He would start tomorrow evening.  
>The club's owner had given him his uniform already, black slacks, and waistcoat and a white shirt to wear under it.<br>Shiro could imagine how he would stand out with these clothes on his pale skin, but it wasn't that he really cared if people gawked at him.

The albino came across sports grounds, when he heard loud laughing and in between the laughter silent cries.  
>"Aww, has the little princess a boo-boo?"<br>"Hurry and run home to mummy, little baby."  
>Shiro clenched his hands into fists.<br>He may not love anyone or been loved by his family, but that didn't mean he was a heartless man that refused someone help when he needed it.  
>He ran over to the soccer field, spotting some punks pushing a little boy around and throwing his bag to each other, out of the little boys reach.<br>"Whadda ya want kiddo? Wanna have your bag back, eh?"  
>The boy was clearly afraid and the tears wouldn't stop falling from his face.<br>When he crouched down, sobbing and crying loudly, one of the punks aimed to kick into the boys side.  
>"Stop the whinin' already."<br>Before the kick hit home, Shiro yelled at them, distracting them from their bullying.

"Hey you assholes. Pick yourself a matching opponent."  
>The punks turned around to him, one grinning wide.<br>"Implying on someone special?"  
>Shiro dropped the bag with his uniform and stepped out of his jacket, waving the guys over to him.<br>"Come 'ere if ya dare."  
>The punks launched in unison at him.<br>At first the albino defended himself quite well, that was until one of the punks caught his arms and locked them into his back.  
>The others started to punch and kick him.<br>One got an iron bar, god knows where from and smashed it against Shiros legs and torso, an other got brass knuckles out of his pocket and hit him with them hard into his face.  
>Blood trickled into his eyes, he felt dizzy and his legs couldn't support him anymore.<br>He scanned the place with hazy eyes, locating the boy standing frozen where the punks had left off of him.  
>A wave of anger raised in Shiro, that the kid would just stand there gaping.<br>"What are ya still doin' here? Hurry up and get home, kid!"  
>He yelled, pulling the kid out of his stupor.<br>"Shut up, freak!"  
>Another punch landed in his ribs, knocking the air out of his lungs.<br>The last he saw before all went black, was the kid grabbing his bag and making a run for it.

The punks looked at his limp form, lying bloody and bruised in the dirt.  
>"Ya think he's dead?"<br>"Don' know an' I don' care."  
>"The kid got away. Ya think he'll get someone ta help?"<br>They looked each other in the eyes, thinking over their options.  
>The sound of someone running drew closer to them and than a yell flew to their ears.<br>"Let go of the man you three!"  
>"Shit! He got the cops."<br>"Let's get away."  
>Shiro heard the yells, as if they were far away from him, than someone shook his aching body and a high child's' voice called out to him.<br>"Mister! Hey, mister, get up. Don't sleep. You can't fall asleep!"  
>Shiro growled at the unnerving voice.<br>Why wouldn't the kid let him go back into the warm blackness?  
>"Go 'way. Told ya to go home, ne?"<br>"I came back with Ototo. He's a policeman. Mister, please stay awake."

Steps drew closer and a deep baritone spoke.  
>"...I want you to look for these three, they escaped in the malls and send an ambulance over. Yes the man is severely injured. Ok, thanks."<br>Shiro forced his eyes to open, seeing the kid and an officer stand next to him.  
>"Lie there until the ambulance arrives, young man."<br>The albino wouldn't have it and aimed to stand up.  
>" 'am fine. Get your son and go home."<br>His vision was a bit blurry, but he still could see how the older man reached his hand out to him, trying to push him back down.  
>"You have a head wound, don't move so much."<br>"I said I'm fine."  
>He denied, trying to get to his feet.<br>Just as he rested his weight on one of his feet, the leg gave in immediately and a burning pain shot through Shiro.  
>"Shit!"<br>He cursed, falling over and his vision bleaching.  
>The police officer caught him and laid him back down.<br>"Maybe, I'll need the help, officer."  
>He said sarcastically.<br>"Can't stand?"  
>"No."<br>"You could have some fractures."

Minutes later the ambulance finally arrived.  
>The medics diagnosed, both of Shiros legs were broken in several places, he had a fractured rib, a deep flesh wound on the temple and a sprinkled wrist, maybe from when he fell unconscious after the beating up.<br>They brought him to the Kurosaki clinic, where his injuries got treated immediately.  
>His legs got splinted in an operation, the flesh wound stitched, the rib fixed, so it could heal back together correctly and his wrist was put in bandages to restrain it from movement.<p>

After Shiro woke once after the narcotizing wore off he looked around groggily.  
>"Where am I?"<br>He asked already slipping back to sleep again.  
>"That's the Kurosaki clinic. You where brought here, some hours ago."<br>"Ah."  
>That was all he could say before he was out again.<br>In the back of his mind his brain ran nonstop.  
><em>Kurosaki.<br>_That sounded familiar.  
>He just couldn't put his finger on it.<p>

Chapter 4  
>End<p>

* * *

><p>So I hope you liked it.<br>Next chapter will finally have Ichi in it, as well as some mood swings...  
>I hope you won't throw stones at me after the next chappy.<br>Well we'll see.  
>Until next time.<p>

See ya  
>Shiro Yue<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

"Shirosaki-san, time to get up."  
>Shiro growled, trying to turn around, but something held his legs down so he couldn't<br>"Shirosaki-san."  
>"Fuck off. Wanna sleep."<br>A heavy sigh emitted from his human alarm clock.  
>The albino perked his eyes open, seeing a man, maybe around his age with orange hair and clad in a white clinic uniform.<br>"As friendly as ever I see. I hope you had a good sleep and the painkillers didn't wear off in the night."  
>Shiro sat up as well as he could, inspecting the male nurse further.<br>Chocolate brown eyes, frowning, similar to himself in height and build.  
>"Do I know ya from anywhere?"<br>The orangette looked at him, a bit confused and...worried?  
>"What? Do you have a partial amnesia on top of everything?"<br>"Don't know. You're the specialist, I guess. Anyway, what's with your way of addressing? Ya talk ta all yer patients like they're old friends?"  
>He saw the orangette close his eyes, cross his arms before his chest and deepen his frown, before he stated.<br>"We've been in the same class on high-school, before you dropped it."

The strings connected in Shiros mind.  
>"Kurosaki! Kurosaki Ichigo? But, what the hell are you doing here?"<br>"My dad owns the clinic. I'm studying medics and work as assistant here. Right now, I'm assigned to play your private nurse."  
>"Eh? Why's that?"<br>"The boy you saved is the kid of the chief of Karakura Police Department. So he asked for the best treatment and payed for it."  
>"Whaaat?"<br>Ichigo sighed and rustled through his spiky hair.  
>"You heard me. So until you can leave the clinic you'll be stuck with me."<br>"Alright. So why did you wake me?"  
>"Breakfast time."<br>Shiro got a tray with food placed on the bed table.  
>"Enjoy. I'll be back in an hour. If anything happens use the alarm button."<br>With that he left Shiro alone in his room.  
>Now that he took a closer look, he was the only one in there.<br>Private room, private nurse and that all just because he saved a kid and took the punches?  
>Well, he could have it worse, right?<p>

An hour later Ichigo came back, taking the tray away and reappearing with a syringe and a wheelchair.  
>"I need to give you an injection of the painkillers. Right or left arm?"<br>Shiro stared at the syringe, the small needle sparkling at him.  
>If he could he would have paled even more or ran away or both of it, but he answered without a hint of fear in his voice.<br>"Doesn't matter."  
>Ichigo than took the left, that was closer to him.<br>When he lifted the sleeve of the shirt, Shiro wore, up and turned the arm upside down to have easier access to the crook of the elbow, the albino turned his head in the opposite direction.  
>Ichigo noticed the motion and saw the light tremble of his fingers.<br>"Huuh? The fearless 'Stone' Shirosaki is afraid of a tiny needle?"  
>He teased, getting Shiro to snap his head toward him and hiss with venom on his tongue.<br>"What did ya-?"  
>He flinched when Ichigo pierced his arm with the syringe and pulled it out seconds after.<br>"See. Done."  
>The albino rubbed his arm, pouting like a little child.<br>"Ass."  
>He muttered.<p>

Afterward, Ichigo brought him out of his room with the wheelchair.  
>They went through the clinics lobby and Shiro spotted a phone, when he remembered.<br>"Oi, I need to make a call. Would you mind?"  
>Ichigo rolled him over to the phone and he called his boss.<p>

"Yeah Hello, it's Shirosaki. I'm sorry that I didn't appear to my shift yesterday."  
>"<em>Do you know what trouble you made? I have no use for someone who doesn't take this seriously."<br>_"Yes. That's why I'm apologizing. You know after I left your bar two days ago I got into a fight. I'm hospitalized right now."  
>"<em>What happened? When will you get out?"<br>_"I helped a kid and got broken bones for it. I think it will take at least two month. I can understand if you'll fire me now. Just wanted to let you know."  
>"<em>No, no. Take your time. I get a temporary personnel until you're fine again. But this is your last chance than, you understand that?"<br>_"Yes. Thank you very much, Sir. I will call you once I'm out of this place. Have a nice day."  
>"<em>Take care, Shirosaki-san."<br>_Shiro hung up and gestured for Ichigo that he could bring him where ever he wanted.

The following days had a routine of Ichigo waking him, bringing him food, wash him and torture him with the syringe.  
>Between this everyday life they talked a lot about casual things.<p>

Ichigo sat beside Shiro, watching him eat his lunch, when he remembered something from the past.  
>"Na, Shiro. Didn't you say you don't have feelings, back in high-school?"<br>The albino took a bite and said between munching.  
>"Something similar. Said I don't love."<br>"Why did you help the kid than?"  
>He gulped his bite down and looked at Ichigo.<br>"What does that have to do with the other?"

The orangette looked him into the eyes, trying to find something in them, what he wasn't sure about himself.  
>"You could have just ignored it and walked by."<br>Shiro snorted.  
>"Yeah, like I ever could have done that. Just because I don't love doesn't mean I am a heartless bastard, who just looks when a weaker person gets bullied."<br>"Oh, that's it?"  
>Ichigo remarked sarcastically.<br>"The kid could have been the older of my cousins. That's why."  
>"You have cousins?"<br>"Two. three and one year old. I really care for them."  
>Now the male nurse smiled brightly at Shiro.<br>"So you _do_ love."  
>Shiros eyes widened in disbelieve.<br>"What? I said I care for them. C-A-R-E. What are you a pedophile?"  
>Ichigos frown deepened again and he sighed.<br>"Shiro. There are many forms of love. Caring for your family is one of them."  
>"I don't count it as such. Here I'm finished."<br>The albino pushed the tray into Ichigos hands, who brought it away and came back with Shiros enemy.  
>The syringe.<br>"God, how I hate that."  
>He muttered.<br>"Take it like a man."  
>"Sorry I can't help my childhood trauma."<br>Again Ichigo sighed.  
>"What are their names?"<br>He asked to distract the albino.  
>"Whom?<br>"Your cousins."  
>Ichigo took the pale man arm and got over with it, hearing Shiro answer his question finally.<br>"The older is Masato and the younger Masaki."

As the sun fell onto his pale skin in a different angle, Ichigo saw a darker mark on the others arm.  
>Lying the used injection away and taking a closer look, he brushed lightly over the smooth skin.<br>"Hey, what'cha doin'?"  
>"You..."<br>Shiro snorted, pulling his arm out of Ichigos hand and rolling down the sleeve.  
>"What? I need therapy? My arms are full of scars?"<br>The orangettes bangs covered his eyes when his head hung low.  
>Than furious chocolate orbs met with molten golden as Ichigo suddenly snapped his head up.<br>"Would you stop to, 'what' me and listen to me for just one time?"  
>He almost yelled, startling Shiro a bit.<br>"S-Sure."  
>"What happened? I mean why did you do that?"<br>"I had my reasons."  
>"Ok. I won't press you to tell me. Anyway. I can see that you didn't do it for a long time now. The scars already are fading away. But these..."<br>Ichigo took Shiros arm again and bared the skin on his wrist.  
>"These might stay forever. Did you try to..."<br>Shiro looked into the chocolate eyes, seeing the unspoken question in them.

He turned his head toward the window.  
>"No...Maybe..."<br>"If you didn't, why did you cut there than?"  
>"Curiosity?"<br>"Eh?"  
>"I...somehow, I've been curios how deep one must cut to hit the artery there. Though...the blood wouldn't stop one time and I panicked. I put a compression bandage on it. The bandage was drenched in blood, when I took it off the wound opened again. That went like that some times, so it healed up badly. I don't care if they stay."<br>"Why not?"  
>Shiro turned his head back to Ichigo, his eyes getting distant as he spoke.<br>"One told me: 'Only the ones with scars on their skin, truly have lived.'"

He looked at his covered arms, entering a state Ichigo couldn't describe as anything, but traumatized or shocked.  
>"So many. I have so many scars. Don't you think that I lived enough?"<br>The orangette was alarmed by these words. In the two weeks he had been with the albino he never had been like that. Shiro was a prude with some friendly moments, but never would he be depressed or sick of life.  
>"I can't ….I don't want to anymore. No one cares. It wouldn't matter if I died."<br>He mumbled to himself, still audible for Ichigo next to him.  
>Ichigo took Shiros hand, squeezing it lightly.<br>It hurt to see the other like that.  
>"Hey..."<br>Dead eyes looked at him.  
>"I'm just another rotten branch of my family tree. I need to be cut off, to save the healthy, young branches."<p>

Enough was enough.

Ichigo jumped from his seat and embraced Shiro.  
>He pressed the mans head to his chest, letting him hear the calming beat of his heart.<br>"You aren't rotten. Neither are you alone or unloved or shit like that. Your family loves you for who you are, so get yourself together."  
>It was like a spell broke on Shiro and he clenched onto the back of Ichigos uniform, hiding his face in his chest.<br>They stayed like that and Ichigo brushed through his white tresses of hair.

He had sat down on the edge of the bed and started to rock the albino a bit, like he often had done with his little sisters after their mother died in an accident.  
>Shiro let go of Ichigo, turning his face away.<br>"Sorry."  
>He whispered.<br>"Don't apologize. It's been my fault. I asked you things and triggered it with it."  
>"Maybe. But, I get like this sometimes. Only one thing is on my mind than."<br>Ichigo stopped him from talking any further.  
>"You don't need to tell me."<br>"But I want to. When I am like this...I want to cut myself again. I can't shrug this feeling off. I think it's the same as a drug addicted has when he needs his stuff. But I vowed, when Masaki * was born that I never will do it again. I...I want to be a good cousin to both of them, someone they can look up to and think of as a role model."  
>"Shiro..."<br>"I'm fine. I feel like a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders."

He turned to Ichigo with a genuine smile.  
>"Thanks, Ichi."<br>Now the orangette turned away, sighing and ruffling his orange spikes.  
>"You don't need to thank me either."<br>He took his utensils and left the albinos room.  
>"I'm back in some minutes. Don't do anything stupid, you hear me?"<br>Ichigo heard Shiro snicker, a relived feeling settled in him.  
>The heavy atmosphere finally was gone.<p>

While Ichigo was out of the room, Shiro wondered, why the others presence had been able to pull him out of his stupor.  
>Normally he would sit there for hours, mumbling senseless stuff, fighting the urge to search for anything to tear open his skin with, to release the pressure inside him.<br>In the end he would tear at the back of his neck with his nails until there were angry red marks and maybe cry violently in the end.  
>Mostly he would be fine again afterward, getting himself some water, because he knew he had to restore the fluid he cried out if he wanted to avoid the upcoming headache.<br>But this time it didn't happen.  
>Somehow, hearing the steady thumbs of Ichigos heart and getting rocked like an infant calmed his nerves.<br>It had been a natural reaction, instinct, right?

It had to be.  
>There wasn't any other possibility.<br>Just...  
>The impossible.<br>_Love_

'No. Hell would freeze over before I would fall in love with anybody.'  
>He thought, and thinking of his mother and father at the same time.<br>The albino still felt the void they left in his chest, it was just...  
>Not as painful as before.<p>

Chapter 5  
>End<p>

* * *

><p>* Masaki, is both a female and male Japanese name. Here it is used as the male version<p>

Wow, another one.  
>With pretty much influence from my own life, xD<br>I hope you liked it despite the depressing mood and OCness of Hichi, but that's how he is in this fic.

See ya  
>Shiro Yue<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

After Shiros near breakdown, everything went back to normal.  
>Well as normal as it can be, after you showed a stranger your vulnerability.<p>

Almost two month passed already, since Shiros hospitalization and only once did he get visitors.  
>It had been his uncle with his wife and children.<br>The man had apologized for Shiros grandparents, that they couldn't manage to come, but they were sick worried and demanded him to come over as soon as he would be discharged again.

When Ichigo came to the room once, he found the five persons in a harmonic round.  
>The youngest of the boys rested in Shiros arms, sound asleep, while Shiro watched him with a huge smile on his face.<br>He looked like a father holding his child and Ichigo couldn't get it into his head, that Shiro really thought he was incapable of loving, when he acted like _this_.

Though, the orangette had felt like he disturbed the peace the albino got, he tried to get out without making a sound.  
>But Shiros aunt had heard him and waved him to come over and join.<br>All of them told the latest news they had and chatted on for about two hours, when the little family finally decided it was time to get back home.

Now Ichigo was in the bath with Shiro, washing him carefully.  
>He heard him emit a deep sigh.<br>"What's up?"  
>"Am just tired. The kids take a lot of energy. Even more when I am not able to do much with Masato. He's a very active kid."<br>Ichigo chuckled.  
>"Aww, poor little Shiro."<br>He teased the other, earning a scoff of him.  
>"But really, you looked so cute with the little boy in your arms. I thought the smile you wore would stay permanently, because you wouldn't stop to smile even for a second."<br>"It's because I really l-...care for them. They make me feel less alone."  
>All the while they were talking, Ichigo scrubbed Shiros torso.<p>

When he came along the mans back, he wondered once more about the tattoo, the man had on his left shoulder and what it meant to the albino.  
>Finally he decided to ask Shiro about it, in hopes that it wouldn't end like last time when he asked questions about him.<br>"Shiro, what did you get this for?"  
>"This?"<br>Shiro looked over his shoulder seeing the orangette point at his shoulder.  
>He shrugged.<br>"Don't know."  
>Ichigo stopped washing Shiro, his the washcloth covering the image.<br>"Come on. A rose and the Kanji for death, all in black and white and you have no reason?"

Shiro looked back again, locking eyes with Ichigo for some seconds.  
>With a sigh he turned his head back forward.<br>"Let's say, death follows us everywhere until we eventually die. So why shouldn't I carry it around on my shoulder?"  
>"That...sounds logical, in a strange way."<br>Silence spread over them until they were finished and Shiro was brought back to his bed.

To lift the mood and distract them from their last topic Ichigo told the albino.  
>"My dad said your plaster casts could be removed soon, he will check on you tomorrow. Maybe you'll be discharged in the next weeks."<br>"Sounds good. I wanna leave here as fast as I can."  
>Ichigo looked at him, trying to fake a hurt expression while speaking.<br>"Am I such bad company that you can't wait to get away from me?"  
>Shiro smirked at him and Ichigo couldn't keep his facade on anymore.<br>He broke out in laughter, which the albino joined in seconds later.

After they calmed down and Ichigo wiped away some tears from the corners of his eyes, the silence came back.  
>The orangette took a look at his wristwatch, seeing it was already past 10 pm.<br>"Time to get some rest Shiro. See ya tomorrow."  
>"Sure."<br>The albino lay down and closed his eyes, listening to Ichigos retreating footsteps.  
>Mere minutes later he was sound asleep.<p>

…

"Rise and shine, Shiro."  
>He heard Ichigos voice.<br>Shiro tried to open his eyes, but found himself unable to.  
>Not a limb would move.<br>"Shiro."  
>With a gasp he sat up, eyes wide in shock.<br>"You ok?"  
>The albino panted and forced his racing heart to slow down.<br>"Yeah. Just a dream."  
>"Dream? What of?"<br>Shiro looked at Ichigos worried face, scowling and trying to remember anything, but all he saw was blackness.  
>"Can't remember."<br>Ichigo let the theme drop and got to his routine.  
>Luckily for Shiro the injection didn't belong to it anymore.<p>

After they finished with their everyday life, the albino was brought to the check up.  
>Dr. Kurosaki gave him the lucky message that the plaster casts could be removed already.<br>That meant he would start with rehab now and practice until his discharging.  
>Shiro was happy to get the annoying things off of his legs, and the itching beneath it would be history.<br>Dr. Kurosaki removed the plaster casts one after another and than helped Shiro back into the wheelchair.  
>"We'll begin with little tasks. You'll practice together with Ichigo. Also I want you to walk once a day for some minutes."<p>

Done as said, Shiro practiced with Ichigo, flexing his muscles, bending and outstretching his legs, pushing against Ichigos hands with them and walking with crutches on a daily basis.  
>He got better little by little.<br>Shiro would need at least as much time to recover as he spend with the plaster casts and that ate at him in some way.

Once when Ichigo wasn't there and he needed to use the bathroom, he decided to do it on his own.  
>He reached for his crutches, but they slipped away and clattered onto the floor.<br>The albino cursed under his breath.  
>Fuck it, he didn't need them, he could walk on his own.<p>

Shiro swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, feeling like he really could manage it.  
>He took some steps,than in the middle of the room, pain shot up his left leg and the muscles cramped.<br>The leg gave away and he fell to the floor, grabbing on his leg in immense pain.

Ichigo appeared moments after the cramp eased off and Shiro was just getting to his knees and attempting to stand up again.  
>"Shiro! Wait, I help you."<br>The orangette hurried over to him, reaching out his hands to the albino.  
>"I don't need you fucking help!"<br>The man yelled in a sudden wave of rage and snapped the hands away.  
>He got back to his feet and stumbled the last meters to the bath, slamming the door shut behind him.<br>Ichigo, locked out of the bath and worried, tried to figure Shiros mood swings out.

Mentioned albino sat on the edge of the bath tub, cursing at himself.  
>He was so pathetic, nothing was getting better.<br>Shiro lifted his gaze to the mirror, looking at a face, paler than normal, deep bags were under his eyes and those eyes were dulled, oh so tired orbs.  
>Something glistened in the corner of his perception.<br>He looked down at the storage space above the basin, seeing Ichigo had left the razor there, this morning.

Normally the male nurse would lock it away, just as safety measurement.  
>"Just so you won't get mislead."<br>He had said.  
>"Slackin' off, eh?"<p>

It would be easy right?  
>He was used to take these things apart to get the thin blades out of them.<br>The temptation was great, to great.  
>He lost the fight.<p>

When Shiro didn't come out of the bath after ten minutes, Ichigo started to worry even more.  
>What could he being so long?<br>Hesitantly he knocked, receiving no answer.  
>He tested the door, finding it unlocked, against his assumption and opened.<br>The view he got shocked the life out of him.

Shiro sat on the floor, leaned against the tub, a razor blade in his right hand and cuts all over his left arm.  
>'Where did he get the blade?'<br>Seconds later it dawned Ichigo.  
>'Shit. I forgot to put it away.'<br>"Shiro, stop it!"  
>He called out to the albino, snatching the blade out of his hand.<br>No reaction came from the other man, he solely sat there in agony.  
>Ichigo took a towel and washed the blood away.<br>Hurriedly he got bandages and unguent to treat the arm.

"Why...?"  
>Ichigo looked up at the mumbling Shiro.<br>'What did he say?'  
>"Why...do you care...if I live?"<br>What should he answer to this?  
>"I'm your nurse. It's my job."<br>"I don't need your pity."  
>"Am not pitying you."<p>

The albino lifted his head, teary pleading eyes turned directly at Ichigo.  
>"Than just let me go. What do I live for anyway? No one cares. I have nothing to live for."<br>"You have your uncle and cousins."  
>"They don't need me."<br>"Than you have me. If no one else is there, you can depend on me."

He was silent again, than mumbled something unintelligible for Ichigo.  
>"What did you say?"<br>"I'm scared."  
>"What of?"<br>"What's going on in here."

Shiro pointed to his chest, not looking at the orangette.  
>"There's always been a void feeling, but it feels so different now. It's scary. I don't want it."<br>"You feel void there?"  
>Ichigo rested a hand on Shiros chest and the albino now looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights.<br>He nodded, barely noticeable.

"How does it feel different?"  
>"So full, suddenly. Like it'll burst my chest."<br>He answered, left of words.  
>Ichigo came closer to him.<br>"Does it get worse?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"When?"  
>"When someone's on my mind."<br>"Who's that?"

Ichigo now sat, literally on Shiros lap, his face inches away from the others, as the albino suddenly jerked his face aside and pushed the orangette away.  
>"I won't tell you. Get off of me, you're crushing me."<br>Ichigo crawled off of him and knelt in front of Shiro again.  
>'Is he afraid, of closeness?'<br>"Come I help you to your bed. Take a rest and in an hour we'll start practice."  
>He said, getting to his feet.<br>"Sure."  
>Shiro answered, reaching out his healthy arm without looking at him.<p>

* * *

><p>Bam Bam Bam...<p>

Hehe, did you think I'd let them get closer just now?  
><strong>*evil laugh<strong>* you'll have to wait a bit longer, maybe forever.

Well, I hope you liked the chappy ^^

R&R?

See ya  
>Shiro Yue<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

The better Shiros legs got, the better got his mood over the following next weeks.  
>His psyche seemed to stabilize and mood swings or depressions kept away.<br>The wounds on his arms already healed, the only evidence left behind were rosy scars.  
>Even if almost nothing of the incident was left behind, Ichigo still wondered about the one situation in the bath.<br>When curiosity got the better of him, he asked the albino about it.  
>Mentioned snapped his head up from his meal, looking in a 'isn't-it-obvious' kind of way at Ichigo and stating seconds after.<p>

"You tried to kiss me, that's why. I don't like this, it's to intimate."  
>That left Ichigo startled.<br>"Kiss? Hell no, Shiro. I wanted to comfort you, like when you were depressed before. I thought you would calm down than."  
>Shiro raised a white eyebrow, not quite believing Ichigos words.<br>"The way you sat on me doesn't fit with your reasoning."  
>Ichigo took a deep breath, readying himself for a possibly long discussion.<p>

"Listen. I really like you Shiro, but in a brotherly way."  
>'Oh really?'<br>A little sarcastic voice in his head asked.  
>Recently the albino managed to crawl under his skin in some ways, that would prove his words epically wrong.<br>Ichigo looked at Shiro, who wore an expression that screamed of hurt and disappointment.  
>This one little look hit the orangette like a billion volt strong lightning and he realized.<p>

He loved the albino at least a little more than a brother and couldn't stand to see him hurt in any way.

He couldn't go back on his words just now, but he had to do it soon, because Shiro would be discharged in the next days or he had to stay silent forever.  
>Knowing one fact, Shiro wasn't incapable of loving but he refused those feelings, so he would most likely not return them to Ichigo.<br>As if Shiro had noticed one of his thoughts he told the orangette.  
>"Your dad said I'll be discharged tomorrow morning. So this 'll be my last night here."<br>"Ah."  
>The albino looked Ichigo straight in the eyes, his orbs seeming to swirl like molten gold.<br>"Would you mind,..staying here tonight?"

Why did he ask that?

Why was there an ache in his chest, when he heard Ichigo utter those past words?

He didn't understand any of it, the least why his heart began to race, when Ichigo agreed to his request.

They sat together, chatting till late at night.  
>Ichigo had a feeling, that he needed to do something, anything to show the albino his true feelings.<br>Absently he heard Shiro talk about his cousins and how cute they were, when an idea popped up his mind.  
>"And than, Masato tried to say my name and it sounded like -"<br>"Shiro?"  
>He interrupted the albino, who gave a surprised look.<br>"Yeah?"  
>"I..."<br>"Am I boring you?"  
>"No. ..."<br>Ichigo blushed, and was lucky that it was barely noticeable in the dim light they had.  
>"Let...Let me show you something."<br>He said, standing up from his seat and crawling on the bed, where Shiro sat with crossed legs.

"What?"  
>Ichigo put out the little light they had and then he searched for Shiros face in the dark, taking it in his palms.<br>Shiro was confused.  
>"What are you -!"<br>He tried to ask, just to be silenced by a pair of soft, moist lips, touching his gently.

His heart stopped instantly, and picked up its work in a racing pace again.  
>Subconsciously his lips parted and his tongue danced with the orangettes'.<br>It was gentle, passionate and mind numbing.  
>And it didn't last long enough, in Shiros opinion.<p>

Ichigo pulled away and the albino, left of any strength, thumped down onto the bed.  
>He listened to his racing heart, while he desperately tried to find any words or even a voice to utter them with.<br>But he wouldn't have none of it.  
>The feeling inside of him was strange, foreign, but not unwelcome.<br>It was warm and tingled.

Ichigo heard the albino fall onto the bed and pant lightly.  
>As soon as the others breathing evened he got up from the bed and hurried to the door.<br>He already was regretting what he did, not for what he had forced on Shiro or because _that_ right now may have destroyed something between them, but because of himself.  
>Now he couldn't run from his own feelings anymore and had to suffer over them.<p>

"I better leave. Good night."

The night wasn't any good for Shiro, he slept little to nothing and the next morning was just awkward.

Ichigo came to help him pack his things up and get discharged.  
>They were silent the whole time.<br>But instead of the comfortable silence they shared before, it was like a dark cloud hung over them, carrying the last nights happenings around over their heads.

They stood at the exit, Shiro looked down to his hand holding his bag.  
>"See you around, I guess."<br>Ichigo said, also avoiding to look at the other man.  
>"Sure."<br>Without any other word or gesture he left through the clinic door.

Chapter 7  
>End<p>

* * *

><p>Phew...<br>The end is a real mood killer, well that's what I think.  
>Anyway I hope you liked it.<p>

See ya  
>Shiro Yue<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

On his way home he called his boss and told him he would come for tonight's shift.  
>His boss sounded happy that his employee finally was ready to come to work.<p>

Shiro got home, threw his clothes in the washer and himself under the shower.  
>He stayed under the hot spray until his skin turned red like a lobster and then, afterward he relaxed on the couch until he needed to go to the bar for his shift.<p>

When he arrived at 'Los Lobos' he found the bar very empty.  
>He served the few customers and chatted with the other employees, stoically avoiding the theme of his hospitalization, because he didn't want to think of the orange head right now and have t his strange feeling he had since he left reawakened.<p>

After he got home from his shift, he fell dead on his bed and slept soundly until the afternoon of the already begun day.  
>As it was now, his life was made of sleeping over day, working at night and doing things like shopping and housekeeping somewhere in between.<br>But it wasn't that he complained, to be true he was happy about the little stress his life gave him, because it hindered his mind of thinking about the fiery male nurse to much and let himself get depressed over it.  
>Still, he knew he was missing something in his life.<p>

It was even obvious to his boss, since Shiro was withdrawing himself more and more in the following month.  
>"Shiro. Could you spare a moment?"<br>The albino looked up from drying a Martini glass to his chef.  
>"Sure, Starrk."<p>

They walked to the mans office, where the brunette leaned against his desk, arms crossed in front of his chest and his sleepy gray eyes boring into Shiros skull.  
>"Is something wrong? You seem depressed lately."<br>"Wha' do ya mean?"  
>Shiro snarled at the older man, not liking where this was going one bit.<br>"You're sighing almost every second minute and you look pale, even for your terms. Let's not speak about the bags you carry under your eyes."

The albino shrugged and huffing a short breath.  
>"Na, ev'rythin's fine."<br>Starrk looked at him, in an almost scolding manner, not the slightest convinced.  
>"Ok, I give."<br>Shiro told after several moments of trying to withstand the look of his boss.  
>"I feel not so well lately. To be more precise, since I left the hospital."<br>"Shouldn't it be the other way around?"  
>"I know, but I don't know why it is either. It's like that, ever since -."<br>He stopped abruptly.

Was he just about to tell his boss about his worries and problems?  
>"Since when?"<br>Shiro scowled.

Did Starrk have to push his nose into it?  
>And even if, why did he feel the need to tell the man?<p>

"Since the nurse that cared for me...somewhat confessed to me...I think."  
>He heard Starrk sigh when he idly stared to the dark wood flooring, not daring to look at these gray eyes at the moment.<br>"Shiro."  
>He lifted his gaze, finding the other mans strong eyes waver with warmth.<br>"Yeah."  
>"Take the rest of the day off and get some sleep. Also you should take the rest of the week off and take your time to think a bit. I guess you'd need it to figure something out."<br>"Ok, Starrk. Thanks."

At home Shiro tried to sleep, but found himself unable to.  
>As soon as his mind wasn't occupied with everyday life it filled the hole with everything it had off Ichigo.<br>The albino decided to just call the man.

"Hello, Kurosaki here. How can I help you?"  
>A female voice told.<br>"Yeah, hello. Shirosaki here. I'd like to speak with Ichigo. Is he available at the moment?"  
>"Please wait. I go and get him."<br>The female chirped happily.  
>Moments later Shiro heard the phone getting picked up again and Ichigos baritone reached his ears.<p>

"Yeah, Shiro?"  
>Something sounded off in Ichigos voice.<br>"Hey. I just wanted to ask how you are."  
>"Fine. Is that all you wanted to know?"<br>The albino was taken a bit aback by the cold edge Ichigos voice developed.  
>"Is something the matter, Ichigo?"<p>

Silence.

Than a huff and Ichigo speaking again with a voice, dripping with sarcasm.  
>"No. Nothing. You just left the hospital, didn't give me a sign of live for one and a half month and then you call me '<em>just to ask how I am<em>' ."  
>Again a pause, in which Shiro found himself unable to make any sound.<p>

"You want to know what I came along to think of you?"  
>"Tell me."<br>"You aren't incapable of loving. You are just to afraid to permit those feelings, for whatever reason!"  
>"Ichi. I-"<br>"Shut up! Ok? So either you get yourself together already and learn to know yourself, or you don't need to call or get over ever again."  
>With that yelled right into Shiros ear, Ichigo shut the call off.<p>

_Learn to know yourself!_

What did he mean with that?

Chapter 8  
>End<p>

* * *

><p>Yay, Drama, drama<br>We are coming to an end with this one, there are just two...maybe three chappies left until 'Le grand finale'

Until then.

See ya  
>Shiro Yue<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

The whole week after Ichigos outburst and the one following, the orangettes words ran through Shiros head non stop.  
>They wouldn't even let him be, when he was at work, like he was now.<br>To Top everything he saw memories of his time with Ichigo playing before his inner eye.  
>He saw them as if he was a bystander who had spied on them, saw how he acted around the orangette and slowly he understood.<br>This man who had treated him only the best ways, was what made him feel complete.

Memories, no, more sensations, of the last night they spend together flooded his mind.  
>A soothing warmth spread throughout his body.<br>Shiro sat down the glass he was polishing and touched his cool, pale lips, wishing he still could feel the others soft and warm ones and taste him on his tongue.  
>He let out a frustrated sigh and clawed his hair.<p>

"I'm an idiot."  
>Somewhere, deep down in himself he had known, that Ichigo had felt more for him, than he would have been asked for from his job.<br>He didn't know when he started to feel like that, but it was a fact that Ichigo now must feel miserable because of it.

Really.

Which nurse would comfort a near stranger when he got depressed and that several times?  
>Which nurse would put up with his insults and biting comments, over the long run?<br>Which nurse would have so much of a saints willpower and even more?

Even a saint would have called psychologists and such at some point.  
>But not him.<br>No, Ichigo didn't.  
>Ichigo loaded everything on his shoulders, to lift the weight off Shiros, so that he slowly could stand up.<p>

And than?

Than he was such a fool and left Ichigo without even a little thanks.  
>He ran away like an afraid little girl.<br>Ichigo was right.  
>He was to much of a chicken to let feelings like love arise from the pits of his soul.<br>And Shiro knew the reason.

He tried to deny what he was, because of the people who raised him.  
>They had beaten it into his very core, that <em>those<em> people were ill and bad and he hadn't wanted that they would think the same way of him.  
>So his mind started to trick himself, fooling him that he wasn't interested in his own gender.<p>

And only his.

Ordering him to screw girls to distract him with their boobs, wide hips and cunts from flat chests, slender figures and rock-hard dicks.  
>It wasn't even funny anymore, how your own mind can fool you.<br>Things couldn't stay like they were, that was sure.  
>Shiro dropped his work, grabbed his coat when he ran past it and stormed out of the bar, without telling his boss he was off.<p>

Starrk had seen him leave and had an idea of what was going on, so he let him be.  
>"About time you moved your ass."<br>He mumbled, before he turned around to go and take a nap in his office.

Outside the bar, Shiro was met with pouring rain, that immediately soaked his clothes.  
>He sprinted through the streets.<br>His destination?  
>Kurosaki Clinic.<p>

When he arrived in the hospital and stood in the entrance with dripping clothes, he realized that he had no idea where he should look for Ichigo first.  
>To not waste any time, he went to the reception to ask for the orangette.<br>Just when the lady noticed him and he had opened his mouth, a soft baritone sound behind him.

"What are you doing here?"  
>Shiro spun around, staring dumbly at Ichigo and the silence hung in the air like thick fog.<br>Ichigo crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"So?"  
>The only reaction he got was Shiro dropping his gaze and clench his fists.<br>Moments later the albino mumbled something under his breath.

"What did you say?"  
>Ichigo asked raising an eyebrow.<br>"I want to have a chance."  
>Shiro repeated, snapping up his head and locking golden on black orbs burning with determination with warm chocolate brown.<p>

"I want a chance to make up for the pain I caused you. I acknowledge the feelings you have for me. You were right to call me a chicken and I'm fed up with living in a fake world my mind build up to prevent me from seeing the truth. You make me feel complete and bring forth all the sides of me, that my mind tried to lock away so desperately."

He took a deep breath before continuing, ignoring the people who gathered around them to listen to them.  
>"I don't want to miss my chance, after you finally opened my eyes. I can't promise that feel for you in the same way you might for me, but I at least want to try."<p>

Ichigo listened carefully, his defensive stance slowly falling off him.  
>Now he stood there, arms by his sides, disbelieve still in his eyes but mixed with a hint of happiness and love.<br>"How do you want to try?"  
>He asked.<br>Shiro came closer to him, reaching out his hands with a pleading look.  
>"I want you to come with me and be always at my side."<p>

Ichigo heard silent whispers, identifying them as his sisters which where shushing their unwelcome audiences.  
>He was glad for it and asked the albino, after even the last patient or whatever was gone.<br>"Are you insisting that I shall move in with you? We aren't even dating, yet."  
>Shiro visibly sunk together, taking it as a kind of refuse.<br>"Just if you want to."  
>He told despite his assumption of Ichigos rejection.<p>

The orangette sighed and closed the distance between them, taking the albino in an embrace and mumbled.  
>"Fine. I'll give you your chance."<p>

Chapter 9  
>End<p>

Sooo? Sooooo? What do you think?  
>R&amp;R If you want to ^^<br>One little chappy left until _Le grand finale_

Until than

See ya  
>Shiro Yue<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

A year later

Ichigo entered his and Shiros apartment and shut the door behind him.  
>He stepped out of his shoes and called.<br>"I'm home!"  
>He heard Shiros muffled voice from the bathroom, answering him and when he came into the living room, the albino emerged from the bath, clad in nothing more than a towel covering his neither regions and another towel in his hands to dry his dripping hair.<p>

They exchanged a short welcome kiss, before Shiro turned and headed to their bedroom to get dressed.  
>The albino heard Ichigo emit a short gasp.<br>"Shiro! When did you get these?"  
>"On the day you headed out with your family to the week long trip."<br>He answered calmly, turned around to take a quick look at Ichigo and smirked at mentioned, before he continued to walk to the bedroom.

Shiro had some new tattoos on his back.  
>On his right shoulder was a mirrored version of the rose he had on his left, together with the Kanji for life.<br>Between the two roses on his shoulder-blades a phrase ran down, along his spine, written in Japanese characters.  
>It meant:<br>_Know thyself_

"So that's why you couldn't come with us? The important errand?"  
>Shiro shrugged and said.<br>"That was one of it. The other was that Starrk was short on people and I had to work double shifts."  
>Ichigo huffed a breath.<br>Really, sometimes he still didn't understand the albino.

"It looks good, but why did you get them?"  
>Ichigo asked, following right behind his lover.<br>Shiro dressed in boxers and jeans, leaving his upper body bare and than he answered the orangette.  
>"Well, it's best if I give you the proper answer to this question, you are waiting for since a year already."<br>Ichigo raised an eyebrow in confusion, not really remembering that he had asked this once before.  
>"What?"<br>"You asked about the one on my left, so I'll start there, with answering."  
>Shiro turned around to show the images on his back and pointed at one after another, while explaining.<p>

"So, this if for everything I didn't have and those I lost in my life."  
>He said as he pointed at his left shoulder, than he pointed at his right, telling Ichigo.<br>"This is for everything that I have and what I gained in my life."

Than he made a pause, in which he turned around and took Ichigo in a loose hug.  
>He ran his pale fingers down on Ichigos spine, right where his own back was covered in Japanese writings, causing the orangette to shiver at the touch.<br>The albino leaned in to Ichigos ear and whispered into it.

"What's written here, is the spell you used to break the curse on me."  
>Ichigo felt a bit lightheaded at the sensual touch of Shiro, barely he registered the others words or the meaning behind them.<br>"Curse?"  
>He asked, when his brain started to take up the work again.<br>"The never ending curse of self-denial ."  
>Shiro told, looking into the chocolate eyes of his love, than he kissed same one's soft lips passionately, putting all of his emotions in it.<p>

Even if they were in a relationship since a year now, not once had the albino been able to speak out the three words of affection.  
>So, neither did Ichigo, because he didn't want to pressure him in any way with it.<br>But both knew, even without saying it out loud, that it was true and showed it to each other in moments like this.

They parted and took deep breaths of precious air.  
>Ichigo snuggled against Shiros chest and listened to his hearts beating.<br>He felt great.  
>He was so happy that everything worked out this way.<p>

"I'd go from heaven to hell and back for you, Ichi."  
>Shiro told and the vibrations in his chest send little shivers through Ichigo.<br>The words he whispered next, brought the orangettes world finally to completion.

"I love you."

The soft rumbling that went through the albinos upper body at these words, raked deep into Ichigos bones and etched the words deep into his core.  
>He smiled softly and looked up into swirling pools of gold in a sea of black.<p>

"I love you too."

What is Love?  
>End<p>

* * *

><p>yay, yay, yaaay! <strong>*Happydances*<br>**Finally it's finished ! ^^  
>I hope you all had fun reading this little peace of work.<p>

I have to admit, that I learned things about myself, while writing it, that I were oblivious of until than.  
>Well, and if you want to know how the tattoos on Shiros back look, go on my profile and click on the link below following:<p>

**What is Love? - Shiros tattoos**

And like always after I finished a peace of work, a bit advertising:  
>I write bleach fan fictions on request.<br>Therefore, go on my profile to see what I write and how to send me a request.

Until next time

See ya  
>Shiro Yue<p> 


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